Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's official drugs can't kill me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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