Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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