Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
