Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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