He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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