He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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