College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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