he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
