question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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