how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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