Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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