so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
