I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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