Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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