I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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