you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
