Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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