Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
