is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
