Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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