Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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