If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You can't just leave with hair like that
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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