didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
