my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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