I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
