i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
