...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
