Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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