so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
