I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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