i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
