Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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