I just saw a hot homeless man
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
