You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if only i could text you this smell
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
