im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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