he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
