i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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