Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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