Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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