Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
