I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
