If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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