remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
