Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
