After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
