well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
