we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
