im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
