Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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