I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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