dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
