i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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