May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
