How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
