I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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