Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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