I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
