How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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