I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
