my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
