I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
