My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
