Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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