is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
