I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
