Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Houston, we have a blender
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
