I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
