I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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