His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
