I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is Oprah even human
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
