yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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