Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
