Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
