i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My bed smells like the plague
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