We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
