So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My dick has a subreddit
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
