i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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