I'm pants shitting drunk right now
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
