I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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