i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
