It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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