I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
