Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
