I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he shaved USA in his pubs
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
