The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
