No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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