I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
