3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
